iCandy Duo Podcast

Brooke Kinsella talks motherhood and MBEs

December 31, 2020 iCandy World Season 1 Episode 2
iCandy Duo Podcast
Brooke Kinsella talks motherhood and MBEs
Show Notes Transcript

Brooke Kinsella MBE, actress, author and anti-knife crime campaigner talks to the iCandy Duo Podcast about recently welcoming her baby girl and chats about how she’s balancing motherhood with her many other roles.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the[inaudible] podcast. I'm your host, Meghan MI Williams. This podcast is brought to you by eye candy, world makers of beautifully British pushers for parents across the globe.

Speaker 2:

[inaudible]

Speaker 1:

We delighted to be joined on the eye-candy duo podcast by Brooke Consella, MBA, actress, author, and anti knife, crime campaigner, Brooke recently welcomed a baby girl and chats to us about how life has changed since Elsie's arrival and how she's balancing motherhood with her many other roles.

Speaker 3:

Hi Naomi. Hello

Speaker 1:

Broke. How are you?

Speaker 3:

I'm very well, thank you. How you doing, man?

Speaker 1:

Good. Adjusting to lock down number two.

Speaker 3:

Oh, first full week of locked down. 2.0 that's yeah, I'm going stir crazy already. I've just actually been out for my daily walk and I'm like, right. Okay. What else am I going to do for the rest of the day? Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Oh, no, completely think after about seven months of the first lockdown would be old telling them is that this by now, but it's still there.

Speaker 3:

You know, and I do have a small human now to look after as well. So she does get a little bit busy, so I shouldn't complain too much

Speaker 1:

Gretchen relations on the arrival of cautious LC.

Speaker 3:

So Marge is Emmy she's seven weeks today, which is just crazy. It's um, it feels like she's been here forever. And then, and then at times I can't believe that it's been seven weeks.

Speaker 1:

You've been seven weeks a mum. That's incredible.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, absolutely. And I just keep thinking, because she was early, obviously what, you know, there is a world in which she might've only been here for two weeks and it's just a it's yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, because I did read that. Yeah, she did. She paid a surprise. Her parents. She

Speaker 3:

Did indeed. She did indeed naughty little thing.

Speaker 1:

You're just like desperate to meet you, but how was that? Because I guess if you think of seven weeks ago, I mean, it's still a very different world out there than maybe if you had a, this time last year, but I mean, how was that whole experience for you?

Speaker 3:

It's been the most surreal year. I must say. I mean, you know, it's, it's been a tough year for everybody and, and if it wasn't for LC, I'd definitely be wanting my money back for 2020. But at the same time, obviously it's given me the most precious gift, so I can't be too mad at it. So it's um, yeah, I mean, it's, it's been lovely to have something I found out very early on in January and it was just lovely to have some light at the end of what has been a dark year for all of us. But at the same time, you know, it was a very surreal time to be pregnant and it was my first time being pregnant. So although I don't have much to compare it to it's it, there was certainly times when it was really tough and I, I kind of wish I'd got the, I mean, there's no normal pregnancy is there, but I certainly kind of felt like I missed out some things also.

Speaker 1:

No, I bet. I mean, we we've, uh, we've worked actually over the whole course of lockdown, various different companies and one particular is this the positive birth company, they just sort of specialize in hypnobirthing. And once

Speaker 3:

I did their course, I did their course and I loved it

Speaker 1:

Because I was actually gonna say, cause we, you know, from having a conversation with them, they've seen like their forums side completely skyrocket. Um, so did you find that any kind of platforms like that, that you've really been able to kind of connect with?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. I think, you know, as well, I've got, I'm quite late on to the party with kids when it comes to my friends where my friends are on, on their second or third. So I have lots of support, um, on WhatsApp groups and, you know, w we all, I think what we all learn as a, as a globe really is how to connect with friends again. So I was doing lots of FaceTiming friends, um, when I eventually let the news out. Um, but certainly did a lot of kind of online research for forums, for other mums or mums to be going through, you know, at the same time as me and action. I think there is a huge baby boom of babies born, you know, October, November, obviously, maybe it was dry January. Maybe it was locked. I can't buy any size one nappies at the moment. I think certainly there were, there were, it seems there were so many people go through as well, which made me feel not so alone.

Speaker 1:

Oh, no, that's fantastic. And how has your, your husband's Simon Ben throughout this whole period? Was he actually able to be with you at the bar?

Speaker 3:

Oh, it was, he was thank goodness we were, I say lucky. So Elsie made a surprise appearance three weeks early, basically because I got really poorly. I went into hospital for what they thought was a stomach bug and turned out to be help syndrome. Um, which was just, um, it was a complete, uh, as I mentioned earlier, I'd done all of the hypnobirthing. I made Simon do a whole weekend long course, and there were lots of husbands kind of sitting there with gritted teeth going, oh yeah, I'm so happy to be here. And you know, I really, I, I think, you know, with my pregnancy, the one good thing about being locked down was I really took the time to look after myself, try and do exercise, get out for walks and do things like preparation and hypnobirthing and meditation. So I had this plan in my head, you know, it was going to be wonderful and I would be this goddess and then three weeks, three weeks to go, um, out, she had to come basically because I was so poorly. So, you know, they do say the best laid plans. And certainly that was the case for me, but because I was so poorly, um, so I'm an actually got to obviously be there with me for, it was a C-section in the end, but he got to stay with me a lot longer than he would have because I was in recovery on my own for quite a bit longer than I would have been normally. So

Speaker 1:

It's kind of a, yeah, it's

Speaker 3:

Kind of a double-edged sword. Um, you know, it wasn't wonderful that I, you know, that I, it was, it was quite serious thing. I mean, I actually didn't look it up and he was very good at not panicking me and telling me what it was until I got home a week later and was like, oh goodness. Okay. That's, that's quite scary. Um, so actually we were lucky to have him, but he still missed every scan, every appointment, you know, it's those things, especially when you're a first time parent, that's just rubbish for everybody really.

Speaker 1:

And it is a nerve wracking time of having to go in. And obviously you're doing all this stuff with this over hugging kind of weight of a pandemic.

Speaker 3:

I mean, anyone who's had a scan, you know, you, you, you spend half an hour just lying there, going, please, God, let everything be okay and doing that on your own. And there were a couple of points throughout my pregnancy where they were a bit worried about certain things with LC, especially then, you know, when I got kind of, you know, blood tests and diagnosed and got told, right, she's got to come now. It was all panic stations and doing that on your own. And I've got friends who have been through far worse and had to, oh, do do the most horrendous things, you know, around birth and pregnancy on their own. And, and it's the one thing with the pandemic that I just, I hope changes soon because it's, it's, you know, I get that. There's lots of people being affected by this God awful thing in many different ways, but it's, it's really hard.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. No, but I mean, I suppose you can kind of almost put it all behind you cause now you've got this wonderful little girl who's destroying your sleep, changing your life completely.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, absolutely. It's, you know, it's so overwhelming and it's, you know, it's kind of, you know, I think for the first few weeks you kind of think like it's this little tiny toilet is going to go back soon and then you realize, oh no, no, they're definitely not. They're here to stay. And, um, it's a baptism of fire that's for sure.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. No, I bet. I absolutely. But, um, I suppose that's the weird kind of the other side, like you say, double-edged sword of being a lockdown. You get to have so much family time together, you know?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, lots of, you know, I think as well, because lockdown is happening now in, you know, is it's cold and it's rainy. It is the perfect time to cuddle up on the sofa and, you know, get the bonding in. And you know, for sure the only salad thing obviously is, is just as I was getting ready to go out into the world and introduce her to the world and to loved ones were all locked away again. But you know, um, she, she's here to stay so that can wait. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And hopefully by Christmas she'll be like the perfect gift for everybody. You don't have to go,

Speaker 3:

I've already got her Christmas outfit ready. She's got her Christmas putting leggings. Yeah. We look forward to hopefully being able to, to see people at Christmas.

Speaker 1:

I mean, why have kids, if you can't dress them up, that's, you know, that's the whole point

Speaker 3:

I wrote that exact caption honestly. And I was just like, oh, this is why you have the, yeah. She was a wonderful little pumpkin. It was very cute.

Speaker 1:

Well, fantastic. Like you say, I mean, you know, obviously finding out you're pregnant at the start of the year is this, this whole year must be quite mixed because also I do appreciate it marks the 12th anniversary of the tragic death of your brother, Ben. Um, and for, for listeners that might not be totally familiar with the, the bank concealer trust in particular. Um, could you maybe just sort of maybe just give us a short update on sort of, uh, what you guys are really trying to action at the moment and actually how that, how that's been going, especially in a time of lockdown.

Speaker 3:

Cool. I mean, I think I'll start the story on a positive story in and just wet it just when I, um, when I did my pregnancy tests earlier this year, I was at my mom's house. Um, and I opened up the pregnancy test and obviously there's a code on the pregnancy test. Um, and on it, the first three lessons will be N and I was like, uh, okay, um, I've got a good feeling about this one and it was a positive test. So that was my little sign that, you know, he was looking down, um, sending a bit of magic.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. I mean, people can say that's a coincidence, but I'm really,

Speaker 3:

And I'm sure look, you know, you could definitely, I'm sure there's millions of them out there that have that code on it, but you know, for me to get that one at that time just meant so much. Um, and obviously I've kept that and it will be a little story to tell Elsie when she's a bit bigger and obviously to tell her about her uncle Ben, who we sadly lost, um, uh, 12 years ago when he was 16 years old to knife crime. And I think, you know, the, the, the short of it is he went out one night and he just sadly never came home again. And, um, it's, it's the most, you can't quite put it into words really of what, what it does to a family. And I think, especially for me now, now that I'm a parent, it's, you know, it brings up a lot of feelings because, you know, I have this wonderful little thing now that we'll never get to meet, you know, her, her uncle and that, you know, that's really tough. I have my moments where, you know, I get quite emotional because he, he was very special and wonderful. And, and Elsie is the first girl in my family. We've got lots of boys and I know that he would've spoiled her rotten. So, um, it's, that's a bit tough. Um, and knowing obviously what my mum and dad went through and the thought of now I'm a parent losing a child and thinking about that pain is just a bit too much to even contemplate at the moment. But, um, so in answer to your question, we, we set up the bank in seller trust when we lost Ben. And I guess in the first instance, it was a pretty selfish, um, thing. We, we just didn't want him to be forgotten. In all honesty. We, we loved him so much and he was so special to us and we wanted to do something in his memory and in his name. And so we set up a charity that educate young people on the choices and consequences of knife crime, and 12 years on, we have three exhibitions and we've had over 20,000 children through the door. Um, we're based in London and Nottingham, and we're about to open a third one. And yeah, we just, we use Ben story to, to try and, you know, help kids make the right choices in life. And it's, um, it's really well, I mean, I say he's coming really well. I'd love to be able to say to you now that it's made a huge difference, but sadly, you know, knife crime is still at an all time high. And so it does make it a little bit hard to keep going with the work, but it's, it's so important.

Speaker 1:

I think that that's exactly it. I mean, it's not with anything like this, and I'm sure, you know, you, more than anyone in your family would appreciate that, you know, it's certainly never a race to get this kind of change. You know, it really is. It's a marathon. And I think, um, you know, all the work you've been doing over these years, you know, it's, it w you know, it's making an impact and making a difference, um, and you know, it will hopefully pave a different world for Elsie. And she

Speaker 3:

Absolutely, absolutely. I think, you know, the reason that we, that we started the bank instead of trust, was to stop this happening to anybody else's brother or son. And that's, that's what we kind of live for and hope for.

Speaker 1:

Mm, no, absolutely. I mean, you know, it's, um, your, your, your life, I suppose, as well as, as taken, it's been very diverse. I could to say, to say the least in terms of where, where, you know, from an actress in EastEnders to, in 2011, getting your MBA for the work, with your, um, anti knife campaigns that you've done. I mean, you could never have predicted that. I mean, what did that moment feel like to you when you got awarded the MBA?

Speaker 3:

Oh, it was just, I mean, I'm not going to lie. I was quite hung over when I opened the laptop and I just remember thinking, this is a joke, somebody playing a Boba prank combi here, I thought it was my dad. Um, and, and I just, I couldn't even take it seriously for a little bit. And then obviously I was just so proud. It never kind of felt like my MBA. It felt like it was Ben's, um, you know, it's, everything came from him and, you know, we, this work has come about because the nation took bend to, to their hearts. And the support of the public has just been incredible over the years and we couldn't have done it without everybody, you know, making donations and supporting us. So, um, it, it's kind of not my MBE. It's, it's all of the families that have fought this battle, you know, longer than we have, and as long as we have. So, um, yeah, it was a wonderful day at the palace. I took my little Nan, um, and my mum and dad and my little Nan complains the whole time that she couldn't get a cup of tea. They absolutely. So, you know, she kind of brought us down a peg or two there, but yet we all got dressed up and it was, you know, it's a lovely thing to, to look back on and I've got the, you know, I think I, I wore the, the metal once I pinned it to my pajamas, and then my dad took it off me for safekeeping. And yeah, it's something that I'm obviously very proud of, but, you know, we're, she's bitter sweet. Obviously. I, I, I'd rather not have it I've been here.

Speaker 1:

No, of course. But I think it's still, again, you know, when you think about Elsie's kind of education as she starts to grow up and she kind of asked questions, you get at least the opportunity to kind of say, yeah, this is, this is what your mum did, and this is what this was for, which I think is incredible. Um, we're able to kind of pass that on to her, um, because it was, I mean, like you said, you were doing like a number of exhibitions and you obviously, you worked with huge volume of schools, but, um, you did some work, you kind of went back to the crew at EastEnders and actually kind of was a consultant with one of the storylines as well. How did that feel? Because obviously that's kind of the merging of kind of two different worlds, but also then seeing it being acted out, like, how did, how did it, how did that affect you personally?

Speaker 3:

It was, it was kind of, it was wonderful to be asked. I was very honored. Um, uh, it was obviously very tough, you know, it's, it brings up a lot of feelings again and emotions. Um, it was something that I thought was very important to address, and I was really happy that EastEnders were tackling that issue. And also that they wanted to get it, you know, authentic and to use somebody who had been through that experience to make sure they got it right. Um, and again, I wasn't the only person involved, so there were, there were other families and they did a, an incredible thing at the end of that storyline, where they used real life family, um, you know, uh, people who had been through this, um, and my dad was one of those and it was, you know, it, it gives me goosebumps now thinking about it and it was beautifully done. Um, you know, heartbreaking and powerful. So I was really proud to be a part of that. And, um, I hope that we did it justice and, and, you know, and, you know, w sensitively, um, but it did at the same time, just, you know, you remember why you're being asked to do these things. And, and there were a lot of things that I suggested to them that were personal to my story and Ben's story. So, um, uh, you know, some, some kind of good things and some not so good things. So to see them kind of, you know, acted out as well was, was tough.

Speaker 1:

No, I, I, I, I'm absolutely sure it must've been yeah, very, very challenging for you, but I think it's, you know, again, it, but it's important to kind of bring that sort of storyline to a mainstream. So people are kind of being educated in different ways of its impact, not having to go through what your family went through to understand that.

Speaker 3:

And I think as well, you know, it's, it's important. Something like he sends a soap is when all the family gathered around to watch that show, you know, it goes across every generation, um, and lots of, kind of, you know, different types of people. And it's a great thing to just begin having those conversations, you know, as a family, because, you know, the work that we do with young people in our exhibition is great, but then they go home to their family and, and it needs to be followed up on. And I think we need to stop brushing it under the carpet. You know, I was very guilty of, you know, before it happened to Ben thinking, knife crime is a, it's a certain lifestyle. It happens in certain areas. It's never going to happen to me or my family. And then it did. And sadly, we're not the only ones who thought that it's, it can, and it is happening just anywhere and to anyone. And, um, I think it's really important to just begin having these conversations, even if it's around safety and what to do, if, if your child knows somebody who's carrying a knife, um, that to me was the main, you know, thing, a reason for doing it.

Speaker 1:

No, absolutely. I think it's, yeah, just even if you didn't get, just get kids in a conversation about it to start kind of, like you say, if they know a friend or anything like that, um, just to come forward and start talking about it and know that this isn't right. This isn't okay. Um, I mean, I mean, alongside all of this campaigning stuff, you've also very casually, uh, been running a theater school and a talent agency as well. Um, that that's a lot of stuff. I mean, how are you

Speaker 3:

Different hats?

Speaker 1:

I mean, I mean, you know, obviously theaters like in your blood and it makes complete sense to kind of extend that. And also your, we work with children makes complete sense to be, you know, to extend that into a theater school. But, um, I mean, I think you're in your 10th year of doing that.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. Yeah. It's, which seems crazy. I mean, it was just a little tiny dream that I had many years ago. I obviously went to a local drama school called down a shares and listening an intern that has produced many, many wonderful people from Kathy Berks and Patsy Palmer. Um, so Reggie Yates tutors, are we Ashton? And, you know, we were this just really kind of, um, local is LinkedIn school is where all the Cockneys came from. So most of these standards you'll have found them there. I kind of went there. My mum sent me, I was really shy as a kid and, and didn't have many friends. Um, I liked reading my books and she sent me there for a bit of confidence and I, and I fell into the world of acting. And I got my first role when I was seven, um, opposite lovely Russell brand and Russell Tovey. And I loved that part of it because I wasn't Brooklyn seller. I was playing other people and that gave me a bit of confidence. And so it was really, it was crucial to me and I have the best memories of my drama school. And so I wanted to kind of give that back to the community when I got a bit older. So I set up true stars 10 years ago and it's, you know, I set it up thinking, well, I'll, I'll, I'll set it up and then it will run itself. And, you know, I walk away and 10 years old and I'm there every Saturday, obviously not this year because we've all been locked down and sadly, we had to shut the doors in March, but, um, it's just, it's so much fun. And you know, for me, it's about giving kids confidence and a safe space to come and play and try new things and make new friends. And I'm so proud of it. And yeah, I, you know, I don't know what the world holds for us now because we probably won't be able to go back to early next year and it breaks my heart that we've been shut so long. But, um, for me, it's, it's my little baby that, you know, I I'm, I'm really proud of.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, fantastic. That did really make me smile thinking like, yeah, I set it up. It will itself 10 years old.

Speaker 3:

My teachers laugh at me because if I have a day off, I'm just constantly panicking. Like, have we lost any kids? Is everybody all right. So I might as well be there because I don't relax anyway. But, um, you know, there's playing sleeping lions with kids on a Saturday morning. There's nothing better. So obviously it's prepared to be brilliantly for the motherhood.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. I have to say I, uh, I used to go to a little theater school actually, when I was younger, I was exactly the same. I was quite a shy kid. And I think in a weird way, if you'd asked me, do you want to do this? I would probably be like, oh God, no, like I want to hide away, but because I've got a big brother, big sister off I off, I went and it did me the world of goods. I mean, look at, look at me now on a podcast.

Speaker 3:

She just so important just, you know, for social skills in any job. I mean, you know, being an actor is it is a terribly fickle and hard career, um, which I completely get, but the skills that, you know, drama, and this is where I think it's so important that it is still done in schools, you know, um, across the ages, as you know, if you've got to do a presentation in work, I think a lot of grownups will be absolutely petrified at the thought of standing in front of people and giving any kind of speech. And I think, you know, drama schools and drama clubs give those basic skills that can take you through life. So I think it's really important as, as, as children that we encourage that.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. And I think it's actually, you could, if, you know, if you think about what this, this year has presented and especially, you know, as you going off to potentially, you know, you could have had LC on your own or that kind of thing, and in a weird way, I think sometimes even these, you know, going to having acting lessons, having those kinds of skills of going, right, you're going to stand up, you're going to do this on your own. It builds a kind of different mentality in some, and it can be, you know, even on things like that level, it can really kind of prepare you for almost anything. So do you think, um, do you think Elsie poor thing, she's seven weeks old, let's put her on the stage. No. But do you think you'd be quite keen to get her involved? Yes.

Speaker 3:

I sent her out to work now it's a, as I said, it's a bit of a double-edged sword because, you know, I was very lucky and had a really long career starting from when I was seven and spanning all the way up until my thirties and did some incredible stuff and have some wonderful memories. Um, but it's, it's hard, especially when it becomes not a hobby or a passion, but a job. And with the industry, the way it is now, um, you know, coming out of COVID times is, is going to be even harder. So, um, you know, I think I'd prefer her to follow in law. Like her daddy, that would be preferable for me, but at the same time, you know, there are so many wonderful things about it. And I think, you know, whatever she wants to do, obviously we will, we will support. Um, I'd probably be very proud. I mean, I hope she's got better singing voice than me and, you know, um, more river because I was very much a one trick pony. Um, but, but yeah, I mean, we've got a long way to go, I think, but if she starts showing signs, I'll certainly kind of, it just encouraged the, you know, the, the outlet of drama because it's something I think is so important and can help in many ways.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. And, um, I mean, what, I mean, just to kind of like wrap it up to spit, so wonderful talking to you. I'm just looking at my, uh, my monitoring for chatting away for 25 minutes. Oh my goodness. What would you say? I don't forget because I actually, I don't have any kids. I'm exactly same position as you, a lot of my friends are on, but sort of baby number two, even three, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm in my thirties with ease. Let's put it that way. I don't know. Forgive me. This might seem like an utterly ridiculous question, but cause I always find it quite fascinating. I don't think it's always so lovely and enlightening. Like you say, you know, before you have kids that having these conversations with women and just, just getting a really nice broad idea of what you know of, you know, what it's like, you know, sort of pre and post baby. I mean, what would you say has been, I mean, it's been seven weeks, it's such a short time and I was going to say, what, w what's been your minus the lack of sleep? What would you say is the biggest change to you since becoming a parent?

Speaker 3:

I think, you know, in all honesty and it's something that I've had to be very honest with myself. Um, it's something that I have wanted for so long and, you know, have now got an a and just, I can't quite believe how lucky I am, but it's very overwhelming. And I think, you know, the, the biggest thing for me is I went from being a very busy, you know, as I said, I wear lots of different hats and I'm not one that can sit still easily. Um, so I went from this really busy kind of working independent woman who could just walk out the house, you know, with my keys and my phone, um, and do what she wanted when she wanted to sitting on the couch. You know, sometimes not having a shower in my pajamas, squeezing milk into a very small human, and that's been my life for seven weeks. And it's a, it's a huge lifestyle change, you know, above the lack of sleep and, and, um, anything else it's wrapping your head around and adapting to that and, and what I've come to kind of the first moment you have that thought of, oh, this is really tough. You feel so guilty for even thinking about it when you have got what some people are not lucky enough to have and what you wished for, for so long. Um, and, and if you ever have a twinge of all my old life, you feel bad, but actually I've realized that's okay because it's a lot to get your head around. It really is. And, you know, I wouldn't change it for the world and I just, you know, and that, that part of my life will come back and I will wish that away again. I'm sure, but that for me has been the biggest change. Um, and something that I'm now not going to beat myself up about for recognizing

Speaker 1:

No apps. I think that's really beautifully honest, and I have to be honest, a lot of my friends went through that as well is think because you think you've been yourself for a very long time and you're not just going to instantly wake up one day and go, I am a mother, I'm a mother. I am a goddess. Yeah,

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. It doesn't, you know, certain things kick in, but you know, it takes you you're, you know, you're mentally, physically, emotionally a little bit of time to adjust and that's all right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Oh, fantastic. Well, it's been an absolute pleasure having a little chat with you, Brooke. Thank you so

Speaker 3:

Much. Thank you for having me. Um,

Speaker 1:

Yeah, take care.

Speaker 3:

See you on the other side. Yeah, it's really not for lockdown 3.0. Right.

Speaker 1:

And that just gives me shadows. All right. Thanks, bye. To find out more information about the topics covered in today's podcast, please go to the eye-candy blog page on www.eyecandyworld.com forward slash icy life where you'll find all the relevant links. I count as a proud supporter of great Ormond street children's hospital charity. COVID 19 means the hospital is facing new challenges and needs more support than ever to continue the life changing care and researched for seriously ill children. If you are able to support, gosh, please head to our dedicated fundraising page on www dot, just giving.com/company four slash eye-candy.